Category: United States

This week I have been well aware of the many signs of Spring I just realized the first day of Spring passed by without notice here a couple of weeks ago. Maybe because it was in between the ongoing rains that brought the bounty of flowers that we saw at homes of family, friends and neighbors these past several days.

March will soon come to an end and Loren and I continue to reflect on his Mom’s death. She had the heart attack in early February. Her prognosis was as I heard it “… because of her age she will get better, but slowly, maybe.” She came home from the hospital after a two nights stay. Then she was admitted to Hospice in mid February, and that is when we began to say our goodbyes. “Mom’s final journey here,” was how Loren put it.

One day I had the opportunity to talk with her between her dozing in bed. Each time I came into the room that day she would greet me with a cheerful, ”Good Morning!” not realizing that it was still the same day and evening. At one point I asked what she thought happens when we leave this life. She said she had no idea and we chuckled about how nobody knows. Still, I asked my question again, a few different ways before being able to convey what I was asking. As from the mouths of babes, so too from the mouth of a sage. I understood her to say:

I think of a nice little cottage, with greenery all around, shrubs and bushes, just like God would want it.

I told her I would think of her being there. Then she added, “And we would share in the grocery shopping. The owner of the store would be nice. It would be an old fashioned style grocery store.” She had always been so appreciative these last many months for the weekly family dinners I would prepare, often wanting to provide the meal herself – just like the Italian Mom that was such a part of her identity. Loren’s sister mentioned how going grocery shopping had been something she had wanted to do in those last few weeks. 

But, here is what brought tears to my eyes as I left her room. In the vein of Loren’s belief that the two most important things in life to someone who is of Italian heritage are food and family, she said, “Take good care of Loren.” I promised her I would.

Otherwise this week we had a lovely evening out to dinner with a friend of mine. Her partner had put his back out that day so we look forward to another opportunity to see him too. Another nice evening was had with taking dinner to Loren’s sister. Yet another evening we had a lovely visit with San Jose neighbors. And, while Loren had lunch with a friend of his on another day, I treated myself to a local Mexican restaurant chain. Before my meal I just sat and appreciated it. Then I dove in. Another day Loren enjoyed brunch out with some long time friends. 

 

I had hoped to see the Nancy Drew 2019 film in the theater this week… reading the series of Nancy Drew books was a highlight of my childhood. I only got so far as finding showtimes – none of which worked for us, so I anticipated that more would be available next week. I am disappointed in that the film is already finished showing in our area.

  

We finished this week visiting with dear friends in their new home right on the San Francisco Bay. 

We reminisced over dinner about so many topics, another memorable evening in our bucket of collecting experiences, the main goal of our Journey toward Wholeness.

 

 

 

 

Thank you to our many kind relatives and friends for reaching out with your feelings and sentiments when you heard the news about Loren’s mother’s death. Loren and I are comforted by your thoughts and wisdom. One quote especially stands out from a dear cousin in Italy, as translated from her language:

     Those we love and who we have lost are no longer where they were but where we are.

We are encouraged and happy about this possibility. It reminds me of the poem that a dear friend wrote down for me that was so comforting when my mother died in 2002:

     Northwest Indian Memorial on Death

     Do not stand at my grave and weep.
     I am not there. I do not sleep.
     I am a thousand winds that blow.
     I am the diamond glint on snow.
     I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
     I am the autumn rain.
     When you awake in the morning hush,
     I am the swift uplifting rush
     Of birds circling in flight.
     I am the stars that shine at night.
     Do not stand at my grave and weep.
     I am not there. I do not sleep.

It will take time for it all to sink in…

Loren and I have been reflecting a lot. I realized that over our five years away from home, we spent about a full year of it over time, with Loren’s Mom. We are grateful for those five years, and, for that year. Specifically, Loren spent parts of seven of our initial twelve weeks when we first left home with her, while I was at Bikram Yoga teacher training. We spent parts of another week when I returned from that training. After traveling across the United States, we returned to be with her for parts of another couple of weeks before we first went overseas. We came home again to spend most of a couple of months with her before we crossed the country again and returned overseas. Now we we have been with her a lot of these past nine months. We so appreciate that we had many special times with her in these five years and many over many years before that.

If you would like to read Loren’s Mom’s obituary you can find it online here:

 http://m.legacy.com/dignity-memorial/obituary.aspx?n=Lillian-WRIGHT&lc=9581&pid=191853659&mid=8204623

At the beginning of this week Loren, his sister and I celebrated her life quietly at their home one evening for dinner, saluting her with her favorite Moscato wine.

At the beginning of this week our weather remained spring-like. Now at the end of the week it feels like winter again. We helped his sister do some chores outdoors in the delightful weather. Loren and I also enjoyed a date night out for St Patrick’s Day dinner after I taught an afternoon Bikram Yoga class that day. We enjoyed seeing the enchanting full moon for the Spring Equinox this week too.

It was delightful later that same St Patty’s Day evening to see a decoration in our neighborhood that I had taken a photo of one day, was lit up that night. And, it had been surprising and interesting to learn from Loren’s sisters who in the past months had their Mom take a DNA test, that, not only did she have Italian, but also some Irish in her blood!

Another day we drove to San Jose to stop in at the Post Office to try to pick up a tax paper that had not been forwarded from our closed PO Box. That document was not there, but, I was so happy to find four Christmas greeting cards which also had not been forwarded were patiently awaiting pickup!

This week too I finished taking the required number of CEUs online that I take each year to would allow me to return to work in the future. The courses I took this year were all about aging. I came across words for people in each decade of life and learned that Loren’s Mom and others between the ages of 90 and 99 are called nonagenarians. I can just hear her sense of humor if I had been able to tell her that… perhaps she would have said something she had enjoyed teaching us recently from her Piemontese dialect –

     Te ping de balle.

It is a little off color, but essentially means: You’re full of it!

Loren and I are grateful that we did travel parts of the world during these past 5 years. His Mom expressed her appreciation frequently in these last several months that we had returned. Now we feel in a state of flux. We are not sure what our future will hold. We are having trouble picturing what might come next for us. So for the meantime we are staying put. We had already arranged before Loren’s Mom died to stay in our AirBnB here through the month of April. We hope our future will include more travel, there are so many places and people we hope to visit, but right now we have no energy to even consider travel. I came across this quote on another traveler’s blog, which rings so true…

     Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time;
it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
          Sydney J. Harris

 

This was a hard week. It was hard in that Loren’s Mom died in the early afternoon on Tuesday, March 12. One good thing is that Loren, his two sisters and I were by her side, and the Hospice nurse and Hospice chaplain were there with us in her bedroom too. When the chaplain arrived she read passages from the Bible, said a prayer, and we all joined in together saying the Lord’s Prayer. Within moments she took her last breath. 

One thing that stood out is that for the past several months Loren’s Mom would ask me,

     “Is today Tuesday?”

Sometimes she would ask,

     “Is today Sunday?”

More often, she would ask if it was Tuesday. I suppose it is simply a coincidence that she died on a Tuesday, but her voice asking me this will remain in my memory, as will so many other delightful aspects of the woman who turned 93 years old in January, the one who gave birth to and lovingly raised Loren and his two sisters. 

I learned this week that she enjoyed putting together jigsaw puzzles with her kids, as my Mom and I had done. Loren and I worked on this one that his sister had put out for all of us to work on when we were at their house but not in Loren’s Mom’s room. We finished it earlier this week. By chance it happens to be of an area of the Cinque Terre, in Italy.

Loren’s Mom led a full life. I know of it mainly since meeting Loren later in the same year that her mother had died. I did have the privilege to spend some time with her brother – Loren’s Mom’s uncle, who was just five years older than Loren’s Mom.

She, maybe nearly as much as her elder daughter, enjoyed having pets over the years. This currently includes two birds and a cat.

When I met the family it was nearly a decade after Loren and his Dad had completed building a Dome house at Clear Lake, the second home where we enjoyed many long weekends and special holidays over the next few years. After Loren’s Dad died it became too much to manage and was understandably sold. 

Loren’s Mom made one visit to Italy, the country where her parents hailed from. The tour she went with, guided by the Italian language teacher whose class she had attended, took her to the south of Italy. She never did see the northern province of Piemonte where her mother and father were raised before they each immigrated to the US in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, respectively. They later met in Oakland, where she was born. 

Loren and I enjoyed wonderful weekend getaways together with his Mom to Napa and to Yosemite National Park, and, we remember with fondness the times when she came to visit or to stay overnight or to stay for a weekend with us at our home in San Jose.

She had a keen sense of humor, and liked to play practical jokes. It only dawned on me some few years ago just who Loren had picked up his same trait from. She was always cheery and positive, often cooing her joy at whatever situation currently pleased her.

Tuesday was a sunny day, like the day before had been, and like each day since has been. It reminds me now how she would so often call on the phone and say,

     “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood!”

Her bedroom window looked out into the backyard, including onto the prolific lemon tree that Loren’s sister tends and that provides such juicy and tasty fruit.

That evening, Loren and I took a long hike at nearby Lake Chabot. We encountered flooded trails from the most recent series of storms, and saw some wildlife. It is always healing to be in the midst of nature, well, at least after the storms have passed. 

I will end this week with one more saying that Loren’s Mom enjoyed, and knowing that we will one day in the not too distant future, again,

   “See ‘ya later alligator, in a little while crocodile.”

 

Our week was spent having more special time with Loren’s Mom, for the most part. She is fading more with each day… Loren and I have done more hand holding with her this week, and she has spent more time with her eyes closed.

One day Loren’s Mom told us she had a stomach ache on a couple of occasions. Later that same day she had us in stitches when the visiting Hospice nurse asked her,

     “Does your tummy hurt you?”

She replied,

     “No. Does it hurt you?”

We are grateful to have this time to be with her, and especially to help a bit to relieve Loren’s one sister who does and has done the majority of her caregiving. We actually had one day this week of sunshine where his sister was able to be in the backyard for a time, doing some of the gardening she and his Mom have always loved doing. The vase of flowers comes from their devoted gardening efforts.

Here are a few more of Loren’s Mom’s frequent comments that I want to capture:

   In Italian: “A domani matina,” meaning, “See you tomorrow morning,”
   “Heavy duty,” for when she wants to emphasize her awe at something,

Otherwise, Loren and I had one day where we picked up our mail from San Jose. We were tickled to see the trees we pruned a couple of months ago are beginning to bud out.

And, we had a few nice exchanges with relatives who live around the US recently, all who have had a brutal winter. My one cousin in New Hampshire expressed it as:

     “A wicked see saw winter weather wise with a lot of messy storms.” 

There have been similar reports of brutal weather from all corners and the interior of the US this winter. What I know about California is, this is the coldest winter here since 1949. I think we are all looking forward to spring!

Loren and I would have left for Australia this week, where we would have caught up with some friends, like this Italian couple who sent photos from their visit there now,

however, we have canceled our travel reservations to stay in California to help with Loren’s Mom care for now. How does the saying go? “Humans plan, God laughs.” At least that is true some of the time.

One day this week a childhood friend of Loren and his wife came to visit Loren’s Mom which she thoroughly enjoyed, and another day their son paid a visit and again she was happy, even enjoying a bite of the breakfast pastries he brought. Sadly, I neglected to take photos to post… I did try to capture one of Loren’s sister’s cat who kept me company a little while on the chair in Loren’s Mom’s room, but she refused to pose nicely this time.

I want to record some of Loren’s Mom’s favorite sayings that I have heard these past few weeks – actually she has said them over the nearly 30 years I have known her, like,
     ”It’s a beau-u-u-u-u-tiful day!”
     “How’s it going?” or, “How’s it going wichu?“
     “Hallelujah Baby!” 
     “That’s yummy,” sometimes emphasized as “yummmm-mee!”
          which she nearly always says on drinking a sip of water these days.

And, in her first language of Italian or the Piemontese and Genovese dialects of her heritage,
     “A domani!” meaning “See you tomorrow!”
     “Salute!” for “Cheers!” when she is enjoying a sip of her favorite Moscato wine with us!
     “Anduma!” a short form of “Anduma, stuma o cosca fuma!”
          meaning, “Are we going, are we staying, or what are we doing?”

I caught an image of her reading the San Francisco Chronicle one day, and I want to share these two precious photos, one from her Oakland High School graduation and another from her wedding day.

Otherwise this week, Loren and I have enjoyed seeing part of the Oscars, a couple of Warriors Games on TV,

and, it was a delight to run into a San Jose yogi friend who was also taking class at the local studio here one day this week!

This week has been one of ups and downs. Is it possible that Loren’s Mom’s recent heart condition could have cleared her dementia? I have felt that she has been more herself this week, cheerful and alert. On the night of the NBA All Star game I brought a special dinner to her and Loren’s sister’s home. I was pleased that she ate some of the popcorn appetizer. “It’s my favorite!” she said, and waved her thumb in delight. But, she ate next to nothing of the soup, purposely adapted for her no-sodium diet. And, she asked to return to bed before the game was over. After the game I baked the dozen cookies I had prepared for desert, but by that time she was ready to go to sleep and said she would enjoy them the next day.

I taught my last 2 scheduled classes of Bikram Yoga this week, early on the morning that the Snow Moon was still visible in the morning sky… I am happy our “atmospheric river storm” has concluded, what one news report called “a rolling conveyor belt of storms.”

Loren’s Mom has always been chipper, upbeat and positive, so often saying “Super!” or “Super, duper!” when asked how she is, even including this week. One time I had the opportunity to rub her back and she said it felt good. When I have had opportunities to talk with her between her dozing, often times she greets me with, ”Good Morning!” But what brought tears to my eyes as I left her room one time was when she said, “Take good care of Loren.” I promised I would. After the basketball game evening, she stayed in bed more and dozed or slept a good part of the time. We came to think it was time to say our goodbyes, keeping vigil part of the week by her bedside. 

That next day Loren’s Mom perked up and insisted that the very next day she would get out of bed. She began eating more than she had been as well. Loren helped me with cutting apples for a cake I made at Loren’s Mom’s home, with the last of the apples picked last fall from the tree in her front yard. It was gratifying when she ate some of the cake that evening!

One evening I enjoyed having dinner with a dear friend, and this time I thought to take a photo…

On Friday, a Bikram Yoga teacher friend was married, and another teacher friend who attended sent photos of the happy couple and of herself, helping me feel like I was there.

In helping to rearrange furniture in Loren’s Mom’s bedroom, I came across this gem of a photo of her and Loren’s Father, another young happy couple. What a treasure it is! Loren’s Mom also adores a home-made pink blanket that I think Loren’s sister made, and perks up when I offer it to her.

Grateful that Loren’s Mom seems to be recovering some, Loren and I finished our week taking in one of the Oscar nominated movies, Green Book. It was moving, and I will be interested to see if it wins Best Picture.

Loren and I have heavy hearts this week. On Saturday, Loren’s Mom had pain in her lower abdomen, then later in her chest, then in her upper back. His sister who lives with her was concerned, and on Sunday she, Loren, and their other sister took their Mom to the Emergency Room. I joined Loren and one sister there later in the day after their Mom was admitted. She stayed two nights, receiving a diagnosis of a heart attack and resultant congestive heart failure. Thankfully she looked more like her cheerful self the next day. 

On Saturday too, our AirBnB home was forced into a gas outage, the result of a broken pipe that fortunately other guests reported smelling in their room. We were without gas in the kitchen and also without heat for a couple of days, then we experienced unrelated internet and cable service outages. Almost everything is back in service now…

We had a wonderful dinner out with a friend and her son who are housemates at our AirBnB. The food was excellent – and complimentary, thanks to a new restaurant that our friend’s sister is managing, and having what I consider a dress rehearsal to the restaurant opening. We so enjoyed our special time together, and also enjoyed meeting some of our friends’ extended family members.

And I met a dear colleague for lunch halfway between where she has moved to near Sacramento and where Loren and I are staying. Afterwards she and I enjoyed a good walk in the brisk but not rainy weather. We have continued to have much rain this week.

Loren’s Mom came home that same day, and that evening I took dinner to her and Loren’s sister’s home. His Mom only had two bites of part of what I brought, then a spoonful each of two different soups that his sister offered her before insisting she was full. She has been regularly eating small portions for a while, but I began noticing that has been even more dramatic starting with when I brought a special dinner for Super Bowl Sunday.

The next day Loren and I again spent the evening with her while Loren’s sister had a dinner date with a friend. Once again his Mom ate very little though was willing to drink more water than she has this week. With her heart pumping at only half capacity, she also wants to spend much more time in bed than she has in the past.

The next day was Valentine’s Day. Loren and I treated ourselves to a massage after a yoga class, then returned to the studio to present a wedding gift to another teacher who will be married next week. I regret missing a photo of the bride to be, but did at least snap a photo of two of us instructors with our gift to her.

and then I had to also snap pictures of some other Valentine’s studio decorations…

 

That same afternoon I took advantage of a Valentine’s Day promotion from a pharmacy’s walk in clinic to have my heart checked. I was grateful to find that all my numbers are better than they have been in the past. That evening, another of our AirBnB housemates was creating a masterpiece Valentine’s Day seven layer red velvet cake. I just had to capture a few photos. She lit it to take a photo for prosperity, then she and her husband – who she captured in an embrace were taking it to his brother’s home nearby.

On Friday Loren and I took his Mom for a follow up doctor’s appointment. As we wheeled her outside she was delighted to see the backyard up close. Her vitals were good and the doctor seemed pleased that CHF symptoms like retaining fluid were not present.

Still celebrating Valentine’s Day at the end of the week, a teacher invited me to wear a pair of festive glasses during class. I took her up on it, and can now say officially that I have seen my Bikram Yoga practice through rose colored glasses!

 

When we came back to California last June, Loren had advised his Mom and sisters that we would stay through their Mom’s birthday in mid-January. In January, just before her birthday his Mom said to his one sister, “I’m going to miss them, they’re leaving again soon.” Ironically that was the day before Loren approached his sister about us actually leaving on March 2, which will be six weeks after her birthday. Both his Mom and sister seem supportive of us picking up our dream travels again. This time we’ll return sooner.

* * *

This week we celebrated Chinese New Year with friends, enjoying great conversations over a delightful spread of delicious Chinese dishes.

 

The next morning I taught the 6 and 7:45am Bikram Yoga classes, and wanted to share the good sentiment with my yogis and yoginis. I hung a homemade tissue paper sign on the studio door to say Gung Hei Fat Choy! Good luck to everyone in this year of the Pig.

The yoga studio lobby is also decorated for this coming week’s special day, courtesy of my colleague-yoga teacher friend in the photo above…

What I was surprised to find early that same morning as I drove through Crow Canyon to the studio to teach was… snow! It had been raining, and through the canyon the raindrops turned to wet snow. It was beautiful on my windshield. The next day as I drove to take the 7:45am yoga class, it was pretty to see the many snow capped hills in the surrounding terrain. Please trust my memories, as I have no photos to share about that… 

This week I enjoyed dinner out with a dear colleague-friend, who had relocated to the next city to where Loren’s Mom lives and where we are staying. It’s wonderful to have her so close that we can see each other once in a while, more easily than if she were still in the south bay. But how could I again forget to snap a photo?

I did remember to capture a picture the day that Loren and I had a great time with friends over Thai food for lunch in Jack London Square in Oakland…

Loren and I rode BART to Oakland and back. We boarded at the Castro Valley station where we are staying. I know that this station was not built until long after Loren and I had met, which was also after he had moved to the South Bay when we were married. I looked it up online and learned that the station was built in 1997. I also learned that Castro Valley is an unincorporated area which I hadn’t known. BART’s website add this:

Once known for its chicken ranches, Castro Valley was named after Don Guillermo Castro, a local rancher and magistrate in the mid-1800s.

Once we were on board, we switched lines a couple of stations later to reach the Oakland City Center stop. There is quite a lot of construction of tall buildings going on, and Loren was impressed with the renovation that has already happened in this area. It was a gorgeous day. We enjoyed walking twenty minutes to the restaurant and back again afterwards. Along the way we were treated to decorations honoring Chinese New Year, 

and, we saw a few murals of and advertisements for our beloved Golden State Warriors. We’re Dubs, (W shortened, spelled out) of the Dub Nation, aka Warriors fans. It’s a team we enjoy watching on TV whenever we can. This year with Steph Curry, Draymond Green, Kevin Durant, Andre Iguodala and Klay Thompson as the “Death Lineup” players, now incorporating the achilles-tendon-injury recovered “Boogie” – nickname for DeMarcus Cousins, and other excellent players who’s abilities are hot, they are a strong basketball team. We’re hoping for a three-peat – three championship wins in a row, that they need to officially claim themselves a Dynasty. Even so, they actually have won three recent championships, but the wins were not in three consecutive years. 

The next morning, as well as the morning after that again on the way to take a 7:45am yoga class each time, there was a thick layer of frost on our car before leaving our AirBnB home! That said, I found this image online to convey my resolve in still going. 

One of our housemates from Atlanta questioned one evening this week as the cold came in with us through the front door,

     “Isn’t this supposed to be sunny California?”

     “Yeah,” I replied, “that’s southern California, where it’s about 10 degrees warmer…”

And today it was raining again… intermittent though sometimes heavy, and totally overcast. That’s how the winter weather changes in the San Francisco bay area. 

We finished our week with a wonderful dinner date with friends at their home, and it was fun to have their cat be a part of our after dinner gathering by the fireplace.

 

The evening of meaningful conversations went on into the wee hours, with us enjoying refills of nightcaps together…

 

 

Loren and I have big news this week… we have made plans to begin traveling again. We have been in the San Francisco Bay Area for seven and a half months now, staying at an AirBnB two minutes drive from Loren’s Mom’s home. Our main reason for being here has been to help Loren’s sister, the primary caregiver for their Mom who is 93. Both Loren’s Mom and sister are doing better than when we first arrived – after his Mom’s bout with pneumonia, and we will be going again with their support. We depart on March 2, to travel back to Australia, where we had cut our visit there short to return to the US in June. This time however we will not be away for anywhere near as long…

* * *

A couple of weeks ago Loren had had an incision on his arm to remove a squamous cell carcinoma, and last week we had been pleased that the lab reports confirmed it had been fully removed. Around the same time though we had been concerned at what looked like an infection at the wound site during a re-bandaging, so we returned to the doctor. As a precaution Loren was prescribed antibiotics. This week, we learned from another lab report that it actually had been a staph infection, so we were grateful that our quick visit to the doctor to inspect it had been the right action to take. 

Loren was able to go about most of his normal his routine during these couple of weeks. That meant he could take his Mom to nearby Lake Chabot to enjoy what had been beautiful weather at the beginning of the week. They actually went two days in a row. After that the weather changed, not unusual as this is our normal rainy season, and given the past several years of drought, is much welcomed. As for me, with not teaching so many Bikram Yoga classes, I have been able to pick up more of my own regular practice again. One day this week, I found myself going deeper in some of the postures, which is always a wonderful experience when I notice that. Alas, I have neglected to take photos this week, and Loren too overlooked taking a photo at the Lake with his Mom. 

We spent another day this week in San Jose, taking care of some business, and catching up with a couple of friends. At least I did capture one photo that day…

We also attended a performance of Frost/Nixon that evening. Nixon’s is the one US Presidential Library that we had intended to visit during our US travels, but had not made it there, and I would like to add, “as yet.” This show was not a replacement for seeing the Library, but certainly informed us more about his administration. 

We finished our week – well ok, this post is late so we started our next week with taking dinner to Loren’s Mom and enjoying watching the Super Bowl with her and Loren’s sister together. It was interesting in that it took so long for the first team to score, and remained such a low scoring game for so much of the time. Congrats to New England.

Tomorrow evening we look forward to celebrating Chinese New Year with friends…